Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage: analog photo session with Alice & Mars
On Monday afternoon I walked in Crow Nest Wood with Alice and Mars the caramel-coloured, soft-eared labrador. It was my first analog photo session since deciding to offer it professionally and build up my portfolio. I put a call out on Instagram for volunteers to do free outdoor portraits and Alice was one of the people who came forward, saying,
“I'd love to be involved in your photography project. I'm turning 26 soon and really feel myself evolving into the person I was meant to be as I enter the second half of my decade, so think I'd bring a good open energy to the photos”
Brave and beautiful!
“I've literally never had anyone take pictures of me but Mars is very photogenic”
Those woods are special to them as they visit almost every day, allowing them to really witness the seasonal changes. Having only moved to Hebden Bridge recently, each unfolding is even more of a surprise.
The trees, mostly beech, have filled out in the last couple of months, meaning it’s quite shady underneath them, but this only makes the light patterns even more interesting and precious. Although the day’s rain stopped falling while we were out, a challenge for me was being under the canopy while the clouds continuously moved in front of the sun, moved past, moved back. I was working with Kodak Portra, 400 speed. Sometimes the light meter just wasn’t having it, or I’d set up a composition only to have to make everyone wait for the light to come back. This will always be part of the process, so something I want to practice is being confident and helping people to feel at ease in these moments of pause and holding. I have a tendency to make things my fault, my nervous system seems to think I literally have meteorological control.
Having the limitation of a single film speed and just one roll of film, 36 exposures, is beneficial I think. Restrictions can sharpen your focus on particular details. This is one of the reasons I love working with film in general: you have to go at a different pace and be more intentional. Not to mention the mystery and quality of the images themselves which I feel is unmatched with digital.
We were being brave together! Finding a flow during these sessions is a shared responsibility. I want to allow people to move and express freely, not to force anything, but need to be careful not to be passive. Some assertiveness, direction and encouragement is helpful. I enjoyed hearing myself ask things like, “can you stand with this oak tree?”, “can you look at this branch?” and announce, “lovely!”
Such beauty!
We took a few eyes-to-camera (or just beyond) pictures. I think I was avoiding them because they make me feel nervous and vulnerable: fiddling with settings with someone standing there, looking at you. I was probably also projecting how I might feel in their position and it was interesting to notice this. I definitely want to make very natural feeling un-posed pictures, but some portrait-y portraits I love – it can be so striking and doesn’t have to feel inauthentic.
While we were walking, avoiding being stung by the tall nettles, we were talking about how saying yes to things that feel right, creates opportunities to say yes to more of those things! As I’m writing, I’m thinking of the Anaïs Nin quote,
“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.”
Alice and I met for the first time a month ago on summer solstice at a celebration in the golden meadow grass at Pepper Hill and she was there because she’d met Aimee, the host, at a craft class.
Mars the dog has an inspiring approach to getting out and doing things. I am often amazed by how much energy dogs seem to have. Every time I set my rucksack down in a new spot, his entire, adorable head would be inside it within seconds (I did bring cookies). Alice was explaining that he is always excited to walk, in all weather and he even loves falling over! Being open to new experiences and pushing through doubt can be hard. I’m trying to be slow and curious. Lately in the evenings I’ve been so full of ideas that I can’t sleep. Leaving my phone in the other room and writing out my thoughts and schemes with a real notebook and pen, helps a bit.
I am flip-flopping between extreme doubt / cringe levels and wanting to retreat from life, and burst of inspiration, energy and positivity. Wondering about the audacity of asking to be paid for creative work when the world seems like it’s falling apart. Getting all crinkled up like a fortune-telling fish. So I’m trying to be gentle and stay present. Allow myself to be learning. Not perfect straight away… duh!! I will get better if I practice! Good is better than perfect! I am determined not to hide during this metamorphosis.
Thank you so much Alice and Mars, you beautiful beings ⭑･ﾟﾟ･*:༅｡.｡༅:*ﾟ:*:✼✿
Technical Details
Camera: Canon EOS 1000F
a present from my aunt & uncle, my trusty companion for years already
Lens: Tamron SP 34-135mm, F/3.5-5.6, aspherical zoom
Film: Kodak Porta 400 35mm, 36 exp.
Dev & Scan: Photo Express, Hull
Interested in an analog photo session? The free slots I opened up have been booked now, but I have decided to offer some at a reduced, introductory rate. Find out more here or send me an email or Instagram DM with any queries.
