Saying yes to vulnerability: analog photo session with Sam
Despite Sam being one of the first people to put herself forward —quite quickly too, after I opened up the slots— she was also the person who expressed the most shyness leading up to the session. It’s been interesting witnessing people in comments on posts, talking about being un-photogenic, needing to find confidence, but at the same time being drawn to having photos taken. I feel it all! And it’s so exciting, as well as a huge responsibility, that people have decided to embrace discomfort and be in front of my camera.
My inspiration for the title of this post came from a quote from one of my favourite blog posts in the universe, by Aiko Yamashiro (thanks to Kim TallBear for sharing via Twitter):
“Shame, doubt, grief, loneliness, wonder, surprise, humility, gratitude. When we let these feelings rush through our pathways, and follow their movement, they can sweep away everything we assume about “reality.” As our mana flows again, as the barriers crumble, this is when we, naked, practice the courage to say yes to our power to create something that does not exist. Say yes to vulnerability, our stories stretching to receive the rushing wave, wind, and rain. Say yes to chaos, as we are shaken by the new world we are writing in mud, in faith, in root. Decolonial love places our wild feelings up in the sky where they can puncture the darkness and guide us toward integrity, a new home.”
I’ve been reflecting on the reasons I wanted try this “new” creative endeavour and what’s made me throw myself into it deeply, with little hesitation. I’ve been crying and laughing about how long it took me to piece together the fact that I’ve been saying, “I just want to work outside and be with people” for years, in conversations about job dissatisfaction and screen-tiredness, and generally being in my most blissful, focussed states when I’m taking photos and writing. I usually always have a camera with me and I love the process of sharing my work and connecting with people through it (that’s when it becomes real!) especially when there’s a written element. Finally lol.
Part of the “being with people” side, but more of a subconscious motivation I think, is a real desire to be fully seen and to feel safe to express myself, in both giddiness and stillness – wanting to give that to others.
As I was writing in my Alice & Mars post, it’s a two-way thing. People have to push through a lot to show up and reveal themselves. I have to work to help them feel at ease and as though they don’t need to force anything, whilst being confident myself and projecting verbally. (Scary).
ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ
What would we do, how would we move, what would we create,
without all the shame and all the stories? If we were free?
If we knew we were safe?
ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ
We had a gorgeous time together in the early evening light with oak, birch, holly, fern and ash. Rock and lichen. The little yellow sprinkles of bird’s foot trefoil on the green grass. The sound of the rushing water in the clough after all the recent rain. And Sam was so brave and SHONE. When the camera started automatically rewinding after I took the last shot, she told me it had been a healing experience and that meant so much to me. I felt the same.
“I’m going home with my heart full!”, she said, taking the words right out of my mouth. I was beyond grateful and floated home in tears.
Technical Details
Camera: Canon EOS 1000F
a present from my aunt & uncle, my trusty companion for years already
Lens: Tamron SP 34-135mm, F/3.5-5.6, aspherical zoom
Film: Kodak Porta 400 35mm, 36 exp.
Dev & Scan: Take It Easy Lab, Leeds (use this referral link for 20% off their services)
Interested in an analog photo session? The free slots I opened up have been booked now, but I have decided to offer some at a reduced, introductory rate. Find out more here or send me an email or Instagram DM with any queries.
